Confidence

I was pretty confident about birth – I have Lazy Daisy to thank for that and even though it was nothing like I expected and was more traumatic than I thought, being confident leading up to it really helped me relax in the weeks before.

I was also pretty confident that I could do the whole parenting thing – I’d had much younger siblings so remembered about nappy changes and cradle cap and colic. I just sort of assumed it would fall into place easily and I wasn’t worried about not being able to do it.

But those first few weeks totally and utterly knocked my confidence. I had a baby who screamed no matter what I did. One day I would put him on my chest to soothe him and it would work, so the next day I would confidently do the same and it wouldn’t. Some days I could take him out and he’d sleep, so I’d get confident about venturing out and then next time he’d scream.

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But slowly, I feel like I’m getting the hang of this. I know a little bit more about what this little creature wants – and I have finally accepted that it doesn’t matter that much if I don’t. I feel a bit more sure that I can cheer him up if he cries when we’re out and the world won’t end if I can’t. I suddenly realised today that the confidence that was so shaken early on has slowly been creeping back and I really am getting the hang of this. I’m pretty sure that once it has returned more securely, then I will feel like me a bit more again. At least, this new version of me that I’m becoming.

I ha no idea just how important confidence is when being a mother and just how fragile a little sucker it is. But I’ve got it within my grasp now and I’m not letting it get away!!

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Millar had a play date!

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He’s just started to take an interest in other babies and is really enjoying our Lazy Daisy baby classes particularly. This was at Millar’s grandma’s house this afternoon – his grandma is holding her friend’s baby. He seems to get lots out of time with other babies which is lovely to see. The most amazing thing is that there is almost exactly 4 weeks between them and the difference seems huge at the moment. It makes you realise how quickly things change!

How I get through the day(time naps)

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I can’t remember where I found this picture but I keep looking at it. When I get close to losing patience with the fact that Millar will ONLY nap on me, I look at it and remind myself that one day probably not too far away, I will miss him sleeping on me, miss the cuddles and the peacefulness of it.

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Millar has been a bit under the weather the last couple if days, as have I, hence why yesterday’s post was written yesterday but only finished and posted today. Today he has slept on my chest pretty much all morning. We’re also struggling to get him to eat – our greedy baby has become a snacker!!

I’m taking him to the doctors today as I’m suspicious that the thrush might have come back. He suddenly started refusing to drink – I’ve changed up to the next size teats, but it was weird that he suddenly didn’t want to suck. He’s teething a bit but I just wonder if more is going on. Will let you know how we get on…

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A special memory

Since I’m sort of half doing the Blog Every Day August from the blog at Outmumbered, I thought I would tie in with the post I am supposed to write for that today.
Today is about a special memory and this is one I’ve been thinking about a bit recently. Anyone who has used mummy forums will be familiar with the ludicrous number of acronyms used. Well my special memory is the day I got my BFP – the day I discovered I was pregnant. It wasn’t that we had been TTC (trying to conceive) for a long time – but the overwhelming range of emotions that day are etched into my mind.

I’d thought about being pregnant and starting a family for a long time. It hadn’t been the right time before, but we’d decided to stop trying not to conceive and see what happened. If nothing happened, we’d get married and try a bit harder. Turns out it happened rather quickly!

It had been about a week of wondering. I went back to school (I’m a teacher – not a teenager!) on September 1st and was expecting my period (or AF in silly acronyms – ‘Aunt Flo’ apparently!!) any day. I kept assuming it would come the next day but it didn’t. By the following Sunday morning it was getting ridiculous. I had a shower and looked in the mirror. Something about my boobs looked different. I tried to rationalise it. I spoke to Mark and told him I was late. We didn’t think too much of it – I had been late in the past and it had tuned out to be nothing. But we decided to Go into Ipswich that day and pick up a pregnancy test. I didn’t want to buy one where we live – too many school children around!!

We bought the test, came home and I said I was going to ride my horse. Apparently that was not allowed – I had to get upstairs and pee on a stick. I remember feeling a bit silly – like it would all be a false alarm and I’d feel stupid for having wasted time and money. I dutifully read the instructions – wee on the stick and wait 3 minutes. A cross is pregnant – a straight line is not pregnant.

Well it didn’t take 3 minutes.

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About 3 seconds later it was very obvious. I was pregnant. We were going to have a baby. Total disbelief, shock, fear, excitement and panic washed over me in waves. I went downstairs wide-eyed and handed Mark the test. I sat on the sofa and we stared at it and each other for a few minutes.

Those feelings feel million miles away now as I lie in bed cuddling my 3 month old baby!! But it’s a day I will never forget and it changed our lives forever 🙂

Millar is 3 months old!!

I have become very bad at updating my blog. So, to try to rectify this problem, I’m going to try to post every day during Millar’s fourth month – starting today!

I cannot begin to tell you how much better things have got recently. Since about 10 weeks, being a mum has been brilliant. It ties in with him being on ranitidine for his reflux, but is also because he’s older and much more fun and interactive. It sounds awful, but I think I would enjoy the newborn stage a lot more next time, as I now know how quickly things change. It doesn’t feel like it at the time, but it does start to go quickly. He was ill yesterday and it was like 24hours of being reminded what he used to be like. Thankfully, he’s better today!!

So at three months, Millar is now holding his head pretty well, although still mostly hates tummy time, and is starting to want to be propped up as if sitting up. He also loves standing and likes taking his weight on his feet and stepping which is really cute. A couple of days ago he rolled over for the first time too – he’s done it a couple of times now, although because he ends up on his tummy, he doesn’t like it that much!

He is a total chatterbox and gurgles and coos all day. He often shouts at me too when he’s cross which makes a lovely change from just crying! He is teething at the moment and therefore spends most of the day with his fists in his mouth…or my fingers, my nose, his carrier or anything he can get hold of! I’ve got him some teething toys but he seems to prefer his fists for now. The issue we are having is that he would rather chew on his bottles than drink the milk. Both yesterday and the day before he drank 20oz each day- usually he has 30! I was starting to worry, but so far today he’s drunk 5oz from both bottles so that’s progress.

Clothes-wise, he’s still in lots of 0-3 clothes, although he’s in 3-6 month vests and rompers as they seem to be a bit more comfortable. I’m sad that as the weather has been so hot he hasn’t got to wear many of his 0-3 sleepsuits or dungarees as he’s been in vests and shorts or rompers all the time.

He’s been a busy boy this month though – he went to a Greek orthodox wedding in Manchester, where he was a total star, to an evening wedding reception where he went to sleep in the carrier and we had a little dance too, and he’s even been to a hen do in London where he went on the tube for the first time. Again, the carrier was a lifesaver. I am a total baby wearing convert!!

Next week he is going on his first little holiday – which we are very excited about! More about that another time…

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