Millar was 6 weeks old yesterday. People keep saying ‘gosh that’s gone so fast!’ And I tend to agree, although in reality it hasn’t. It’s not that I don’t love it – although I don’t love every minute of it as everyone tells you that you must – but that it has been 6 of the most intense weeks of my life and to be honest there have been some days where I’ve just been glad to have survived the day! So it doesn’t go that fast when you’re the one living it, 24 hours a day, although I’m sure when I look back on it in future it will seem like it went fast.
One of the best things I did was go along to a breastfeeding group when Millar was 2 weeks old. Somehow I managed to organise myself to get out of the house and only arrived half an hour late. It was held at my local children’s centre and from the moment I walked in the door I was made to feel totally welcome and one of the group. An they are honestly the nicest people I have ever met. Even though I’m no longer breastfeeding, I’m still going and will continue to do so. It’s in a Monday morning and just feels like the perfect way to get the week started. My advice to any new mum finding it hard is get out to a group because not only will other people know how you feel and you can see that it gets easier further down the line, but also you see that other babies do cry and that that’s ok – no one minds!!
I’ve been really lucky with sleep. Millar sleeps amazingly well at night at the moment and I really am not too badly sleep deprived in comparison to some people. What I find hard are the daytimes. Some days, I’ll feed him, then he’ll be nice and playful for half an hour or so, then he will cry until his next feed three hours later. Sometimes his crying is a pitiful little sob that you can get rid of with cuddling/jiggling/singing – and sometimes it’s a high pitched scream that nothin can break through. This is the hardest.
We have some lovely times. When he’s just been fed in the morning, he’s playful, chatty, and I’m convinced is going to give us a smile any time now. But he won’t sleep in the day at home – I can’t put him in his Moses basket for a nap in the day – he just cries. I can’t put him in his bouncer for longer than about 5-10 minutes as he cries. The best place is to put him on the floor on a play mat or on my bed – he will stay content there for 10 minutes or so giving me time to get dressed or quickly gobble down some lunch or make him a bottle.
Recently, he’s started screaming blue murder all evening from his 5/6pm ish bottle onwards. I think this is due I lack of sleep earlier in the day and I’m now really making a conscious effort to ensure he gets at least two really long sleeps of at least an hour and a half earlier in the day. I don’t know if it’s working yet – but he’s asleep right now!
This weekend was probably the worst yet…he was on a special milk for babies with cows’ milk protein intolerance but he didn’t poo for 3 days on it and he was just in so much pain. I put him back on Hipp Organic yesterday and we had a lovely big poo this morning and he’s a lot happier – thank goodness. It wasn’t the best Father’s Day for Mark to be honest…
So motherhood is a whirlwind of crying, feeling inadequate, feeding, trying to work out what’s wrong, not having time to shower, and the best most gorgeous cuddles with the most perfect little person ever. Quite a roller coaster of emotion! One of the ladies I met at the breastfeeding group said to me ‘not enough people tell you that some of the time, having a baby is really shit. Not all the time – it’s often amazing, but you need to be able to say, right now, at this moment, it’s shit.’ I guess that’s why I’m writing this post really. I absolutely adore my beautiful beautiful boy and would not change him for anything – and I love being a mum. But it really is shit sometimes and when it is, it’s really hard!
Right – Millar is waking up and we have some cuddling to do! Hey – who needs showers anyway…?!